The Phrases from A Parent That Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who often absorb negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."